Susan Webley: I Know

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SusanWebley

Susan A. Webley-Cox’s articles have graced the pages of various mainstream publications and websites in the entertainment industry. In 2002, she launched SABLE Magazine, an online publication for women of color in the LGBT community, which had the distinction of being the first of its kind on the web. An advocate of writing as therapy, her “Writing for Your Life” journaling workshops received positive reviews at women’s conferences nationally. Susan is a Minister Elect at NYC based Restoration Temple Ministries, where she serves as Director of Christian Education and the Youth & Young Adult Ministry. She is blissfully married to her partner Millie and together they parent three young adults. She resides in Brooklyn, NY.

Featured Poem: “I Know”
This poem was written for LGBTQ youth considering suicide.

I know.
I know that you’re tired
Of putting up the front and
Hiding behind a representative
Of your true self
A slave with no emancipation in sight
You’d gladly risk the possible infection
Of cutting off your own foot
To be you
Just. Be. YOU.
But you can’t.

Baby, I know.

I know what it’s like
To be a ghost
In a full room
And not fit anywhere
And not belong to anything
And not feel loved by anyone.

I know what it’s like
To have to suck it up
And smile a smile
Perfectly crafted
To hide the blackness
That’s slowly replacing the blood flowing through your veins
To mask the stench of your dying spirit
As it gives birth to doubt
Low esteem
Self loathing
Self deprecation
And you start to believe
That you are nothing
That you don’t matter
That you aren’t worthy
Of living

Baby, I know.

I know you just want it to stop
You want the pain to stop
The torment to stop
The hate to stop
The dismissal to stop
The abuse to stop
The bullying to stop

JUST STOP!

It hurts and
No one understands you
And you’re screaming
But no one hears you

Your family has turned their back
The church has condemned you to Hell
And you deserve it, right?

I mean you are not supposed to have those kinds of feelings anyway
And it serves you right because you are an abomination anyway
And you deserve to suffer because you’re acting unnaturally anyway
And who cares if you die because you’d be doing humanity a huge favor anyway
After all, that would mean one less lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered or questioning youth to contend with…

So with tears in your eyes
You begin to look at that bottle of pills
Or the razor
Or the knife
As redemption
Embracing death as your savior
Justifying your demise as
Releasing the world of the burden
Of you…
I know.

But I also know that you were created by a God who knew you before you were formed in your mother’s belly. He knew just how special you would be, that you would love differently from everyone else. You are unique in His eyes. To Him, your life is precious. When man tells you otherwise, remember that you DO matter, you ARE worthy and YOU ARE LOVED by God. Nothing can ever separate you from His love. NOTHING! Hold on to that. Keep telling yourself that. And if you need me, I am here. I will talk to you, pray with you and will do my best to help you affirm the wonderful and beautiful human being that you are. Take it from a survivor. It will get better. I PROMISE you. It WILL.

- Susan A. Webley

Copyright 2010 Susan A. Webley

2 thoughts on “Susan Webley: I Know

  1. Tanya
    July 21, 2013 at 11:48 am

    I would love to read more of ur books

    1. nuwinepress
      August 24, 2013 at 8:48 am

      Hi Tanya – more of our books or more of Susan Webley’s? You can find out more about NuWine Press’ books here: http://www.nuwinepress.com/nu-thoughts-7/our-first-book-raw-a-poetic-journey-finding-a-way-from-conflict-to-revelation/
      And try reaching Susan Webley through this ministry for youth that she’s part of – they’re on facebook: R.A.Y Ministry of RTM. She is an ordained minister and I believe she’s working on a book too! Continue to seek God’s love Tanya, He loved you first!

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